I am wrong!

 

 

I am wrong. That's right, me, as a woman, human, and putting it in writing, I am wrong. I have been thinking that I didnt want to have that forver, commited, long term thing but I am so wrong. I find it amazing, that I have been fighting this feeling for such a long time and I all I know is the more I am with him the more my mind is changing.

 

I have heard the time old excuse, humans are not meant to be with only one person, it is our animalistic nature tht makes monogamy impossible. I always that it was because we are chicken shit and the thought of having sex with one person for the rest of our lives is taboo, or something like it. I guess not.

 

It that moment you find your self scribbling down a furture name, makes me sick, and yes I am at that stage. Do I think that I might have found the one? I have no fucking clue. Also do I really want a bunch of people to be around me throwing rice, dressed up their sunday's best, and spend money for something that is only going to happen to me once. I am not to sure. Don't get me wrong I have a deadline for everything, it's called my funeral. I am just to sure.

 

I also think that I am thw worst girlfriend in the world and I dont think I have thought things through. I have threatened to brake up with him so many times if he ever had the thought about asking me to marry him. I didn't think this part through. I have to be the man and ask him if I want to me married. Damn it. I didn't want to be in control of the one thing I would want him to do.... damn it.