The conversation outside my door is more inside.

So tonight there was a couple outside in the parking lot of my apartment complex and it hits really close to home.

There is a part of me that just wants to tell them to either have the fucking goodbye sex and part or stay the door mate that he thinks you are and let him cheat again.

I know how that woman feels. I think everyone person has that feeling and that doubt and so no one and I mean no one is ever really safe from that little voice in the back of your head. She is there and she is a cold hear-ted bitch. 

There was a conversation that came up at the beginning of the summer that insecurity into my head. I know that it was not intentional but it took that peace of mind away. Having someone ask me what I thought about threesomes and sharing someone that I love was never anything that would remotely a conversation I would ever to have in my future but there it was coming out of the mouth of someone that I trusted. 

I know that attraction happens all the time. It a pure animal instinct and because I have been cheated on before I know people are going to do what the fuck they want no matter what their marital status and there is always going to be that one person that is tempting them. I know from a young age that I would never do that to any one because the insecurity that I had made me go nuts and do some stupid stuff. 

When I was single I made sure that my partners knew my sex life and they knew that I would break up with them before going after someone else. Why would I put that into their heads, why would I want to bruise someone's ego that bad.

The conversation was a bruise to my ego and it was something that will make every encounter very uncomfortable.

As I was having this conversation my heart was breaking. It hurt. It felt like a betrayal. It felt like I was a problem. I want that whole conversation to just go away. I know that it didn't mean to come out but it did and it was something that just would not stop. 

That woman that is fighting out there is hurt. She may not have been the best but she deserves to have someone that has the respect to break up before it started. She is going to go inside and cry all night. She is going to go into room, close everyone out, shut off her phone, and think she is worst person because he couldn't have enough respect for himself to break up with him. 

I know now. That I am not going to worry about it. Cheating is something that is never going to effect my life but the bitch insecurity will be there. She is still going to hurt me and she is still going to make me cry, but that's what I have to do.