Just thought you would all like to know.

Here is my life story.... short but sweet

 

I am a woman of very little means.

 

I have fond childhood memories, walking through lush manicured greens, servants, maids at my finger tips, and people throwing themselves to my knees because of my cuteness. People from far and wide would thank my parents for procreating such and wonderful and creative child.

 

At the age of five I was singing in great halls with Lena Horne and telling joke with Bill Cosby.

 

I was a regular on Sesame Street.

 

At the age of 9 the nuns at the Catholic school, that I was attending, saw that I had an amazing ability to tell a story. I told them a story about how this invisible one armed man hit this little boy in the face.

 

I quickly discovered that Chuck Norris and I had the same genetic disorder. We can cure cancer with our tears, but even to this day I deny any relation to such a remarkable actor.

 

Junior high was a change for me. I got to go to public school. I quickly realize that I can make things stick to the wall with the state government cheese that was issues. The janitor soon quit after and now claims she discovered the adhesive for post its.... coincidence... I think not.

 

The summer before I started High school I toured with Aerosmith, launch my own line of slap on bracelets and discovered a small little band known as the spice girls... their split is nothing to do with me, I still blame Simon. I am not bitter at tall.

 

High school was a divine time. I was not anything like Homecoming queen and I was not as well known as some people but I still made my mark. There was the time I ran the great movie naked gun through the school news channel, I balanced the school budget, and I successfully made a truce between the jocks and the nerds. Ah good times.

 

College was a hard time. After my high school sweet heart decided to leave me for a very low end model of the female species, I went on a down hill spiral. My days of parties with Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian came to a halt when I saw what Nicole Richie went through. I am not meant to be a drug addict and I do not look good skinny.

 

I recovered through my time with Josh Harnet and Ryan Reynolds. It was hard to split my time with such great men but in the end Canada won, but it was not meant to be.

 

I was torn away when I met the man that will soon be the end of it all. The only thing good this man has done was give me my two awesome boys. Their awesomeness comes for my side of the gene pool.

 

I have won the espy award for mother of the year because my sons know how to sing Bohemian Rhapsody and all of the 50 states sing by the animaniacs.

 

My recent award as Best girlfriend ever is something that I was not expecting but I hold in high regard. My knowledge and tolerance for the species of nerd will soon become a text book.