Another year older

So another birthday. I am not excited. 

I have come into a new problem, it's not a new problem, but it has actually gotten under my skin. 

I have always been known as the tom-boy, never getting into girly stuff, doesn't own girly shoes, would rather go to a bar than have a manicure, and dresses, only have two. 

My husband met me this way and this is how he knows me but I am thinking the older that I am getting the more I should probably look my age and not like a college student. I would really like to have a nice middle. 


Also the biggest thing. I have asked my husband to plan it out because every time I plan something for my birthday it does not happen. I also have this awful feeling that my husband will completely miss the mark because all of a sudden he doesn't like doing the same things that I like to do. 

I know that when you get married everything is a give and take, there is a compromise but does everything have to die?

My husband and I would go out to karaoke, go out for drives, have adventures, and be together. Now, I sit on the couch while he games, I try to go out with him and he doesn't want to because he is too tired. 

I worry that I am attractive to my husband because he games. I know that he needs to have time to himself but can I have some time. I always have to make the plans, I always have to try make sure he is ok, I always have make sure the kids are ok, and when I get time to myself, I am too tired to do anything. 

I honestly think that Chris has no idea how to be romantic, doesn't know how to listen to me when I tell him this, doesn't know how to look up anything that would be fun. I don't want to just go to a movie and dinner. I want something that we haven't done anything in a while. I want to feel like it will really be about us. 

I just feel very much in the dark and ignored most of the time.