I have noticed something that I am not to sure if I am OK with.

I honestly feel like that I am too mean some times. Is there a line that you cross in yourself when you realize that you hold to much a grudge and too hurt that it becomes a self defense? 

I have some hurt that I don't know if I can actually heal from. Is it a hurt or a scar that keeps peeling?

This is something that I hope that no one takes as self pity party but more of an observation.

I have grown up knowing that was a battle going in on my mother's side of family. The most worst of a father's sin was committed and my mother and sisters were the victims. There was so much hurt that I was born in it was raised in me. That is what I think, though. I know that my mother would not be happy with me sharing this but this is my hurt to share. I didn't have a good way to trust from the get go.

My mother, my aunts, and my grandmother are the strongest women that I know and I can only wish that I was this strong. To leave everything that she knew my mother came here and meeting her in laws for the first time after already being married is something that I can only imagine. To add something to that she had me before meeting the in laws. This 16 year old girl took adulthood by the balls, got married, and had a baby. 

There has to be some kind of breed of bad ass that teenage mother are. They deal with drama that women over 25 should deal with and the fact that my mother did that is amazing. I value the fact my mother and I have more of a sister relationship than mother daughter relationship. 

My hurt though is something I really don't understand. Do I need to forgive my grandfather of what he did to my mother and her sisters? Do I forgive a man that doesn't even know who I really am because I was born in the middle of battle? I feel that because of him I have known that skeleton in closet that no child should know. That's a part of childhood that I can not erase.