not a hard no but not an easy yes... the real thing

If he was to ask me now to marry him, it would not be a no but it wouldn;t be a yes either exactly. I would have to say it would be something that I would need to think about because we have thing unspoken thing that looms in the background like a hidden villan. I wouldn't mind it and it would be great but I know it's something that he and I dont want right now and for him to ask that question would be very much unlike him. I would cry and probably wonder what the fuck is wrong with him and what this meant. I am not ready to be any body's wife. I dont even think I make a great girlfriend. This whole talk about wedding and what it means to be commited to someone is something that I am so happy that I am not dealing with. If he asked me top marry him I would forst want to make sure this wasn't crule joke just be funny. THIS SHIT ISNT FUNNY!  I am also afraid that he would think he would have to because I have kids. I am not ok with this feeling... i am done thinking about it.