Maria La Moina Joan Obeso
Affiliated Computer Services, Inc.
A Xerox Company
Spokane, WA, USA 99201
From: Obeso, Maria
Sent: Mon 9/6/2010 11:31 PM
To: randomredheade@gmail.com
Subject: A pleasant surpirse.
You know when you are expecting one thing and something else ever better comes a long a catches you off guard. Yeah that is what has happened to me.
I have been waiting for the boom in this relationship to hit. Yeah we have gone on trips together and we have a lot of fun, but just when you are thinking everything is going right, or right on track the bottom falls out and there is that nasty bitch called reality waiting for you and you are about 5 hours late to your own execution. That was a really long way to explain it but who really cares as long as they get it. I have been waiting to hear that talk and get my stuff and walk out the door.
It is stressful thinking that something is always going wrong, but that is really something that I have gotten used to. You can think that is a horrible way to think about things but its true. Its not that I have a bad luck with things, its just I have devastating, horrific, poor timing luck with things.
Something was said that made me cry that all I am going to say about that. The next, I think four hours turned into a conversation about what we are scared of and how we feel about each other, and much to my surprise he was at the same place that I was. We were both realizing that we liked each other more than what we expected and didn't know how to get closer with out getting to close, but here is the fucking bitch of the thing. We were already there.
Than it was said. The phrase that make me smile more than ever but also scares the shit out of me because I know, first hand, this feeling can and will go away.
"Madison, I love you."
My mind went to a million questions, but no voice to ask any of them. I wanted to ask why. I wanted to laugh, scream, pace, act like Joan Crawford did when she found a wire hanger in the closet. Seriously, he was dead honest about it. It wasn't some ploy to get into my pants, it wasn't a way to control me, or give me what I want. He wanted to say and he did.
There was a weight off my shoulders and then I said it back. My whole body melted and there was a emotional break down done. I was ok to feel this way about him. I can tell him I love him with out feeling needy or guilty. Now, here we are feeling this way, knowing that we feel this way, and I want to stay when every bone in my body is telling me to jump ship and listen to the five piece orchestra drown. Wow, that was morbid. He is feeling the same way.
I am a hopeless romantic at heart and I can not give up on something that feels so right, but I also know that there is another facture. What do we do with it?
Love is a fearsome unrelenting feeling that can consume and damage everything well and good that you had or it can be the eye opening experience that you have ever had and make you feel new.
No comments:
Post a Comment