Stuff... again.

 

I am finding myself in the need to be soft and need some actual romance maybe. This is a new feeling. I don't recall the last time that I actually felt this way and actually needing a romantic night or a need to just be cuddly. I am also finding myself to scared to ask for it or even start it.

The reason why I don't recall the last time I have felt this way is because the last time I tried to do something romantic or sensual, it didn't go exactly to plan. I was ignore. What man can resist a girl wearing one of his button down shirts with nothing underneath? I was right there ready for the taking and nothing.... yeah... I was hurt and still a little bitter.

I know what you are thinking. There is something that I am scared of, and yep it is getting close to someone that would require actually feeling something that could lead into love. I am scared to the point that every part of me is telling my to run but that voice in the back of my head and inside my chest is telling me to stay. I stay because I want to and this is something that I am going to fight with either my boyfriend that I have now or the next one that come along.

I would have to tell you thought that if there is one after this one, he has some shoes to fill because this one is beyond amazing. Yes, I know I am getting all cute about him but he is amazing.

You know that feeling that you have when you are absolutely comfortable with someone and everything feel ok for just one moment, when everything else in your world is falling apart. That is how I feel about him. I don't know if you really call anything close to love but it is something that I haven't felt in a very long time. He actually thinks I am funny. When I get a itch on my hose, he thinks it a cute how I scratch it. He can read my mind too.... that is not cool, but a turn on at the same time.

I wonder some times what it would be like to fight with him. How would we react to each other being really mad and doing some actually fighting?  I don't think he would be a yeller. I think he would more the type that wont put up with me pulling a bitch fit about something that isn't going to matter in five years. We came into something that would be close but the fight turned into a catch 22 and no one was going to win.

Everyone says that you need to have a fight just for the make up sex. I have never had make up sex plus I don't think that it would work because I would be too angry to have sex.