I am in a funk.

  I don't understand this. I am in a funk and I cant get out of it. My mind is going in a million different directions about stuff that I usually never worry about. Its one of those moments that if I was by myself I would be crying my eyes out and I wouldn't know why. Everything that wouldn't hurt me can hurt me and everything that I hate about myself is out to get me. I am being quiet and non social. Every sign that I just want to be left alone is out there.

   I am wishing that I had someone that I could just cuddle up and cry. I don't want to be known as that girl though that cried at everything but for some odd reason I really want to cry.

  You know those days that you all your insecurities come out and nothing is going to make you happy. I don't feel pretty even thought I have my hair done and make up on. I don't feel very much in touch with myself even though my emotions are raw. I don't feel that I am being a great mom even thought I am doing the best that I can. I don't feel very appealing to the opposite sex even though I don't have a problem in that department right now. It just sucks ass. Major ass.

  I am too scared top ask for what I want, but I have been shut down from what I want right now because other people got there before me. All I got was, you might be able to go home early tomorrow. Tomorrow is not now! I will take what I can get.

  Can anything make this funk go away? I don't think so. The only way that this is going to go away is if I got some arms. Some really good safe arms and here that "ok, you can cry now" That would be great. Or if I got a tub with bubbles. I can also have a baseball game and beer would be awesome. Pretty much anywhere that isn't here would be awesome. I am going to spend this whole blog complaining how much I don't want to be here. Just tonight though. Usually I am more than happy to be here because I get to talk to adults and not care about what I get to say or do but today is just the fuck. I want to leave faster than a rookie pitcher on his first game. I need to have something happen.